Micropenis. I have never encountered one, so I can’t really say much on the topic. The first thing that came to mind was Chyna. Next.
The Thread is a group of people that are friends with my roommate. Two of them called Al and Dan have really good Twitter accounts.
This is a submission from my best friend since age 8, Pola. She lives in Australia now, where apparently they don’t fuck with breakfast sandwiches and iced coffee. Pola is used to the NYC-metro-suburban lifestyle of “acquire breakfast sandwich and all is right with the world.” Someone please help her, or return her to me.
WELL RIGHT ON RIGHT ON, AS THE OFFSPRING OF ONE PURE ‘MERICAN AND ONE IMMIGRANT LET ME TELL YOU THIS IS A GODDAMN GLORIOUS PLACE WHERE WE HAVE THINGS LIKE FREE SPEECH AND BUDWEISER AND POP CULTURE WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON ANYONE EVEN GIVES A DAMN ALLLLLLLRIGHT.
Burritos aren’t really my thing because they get soggy. Sometimes the distribution is not appropriate, so I prefer a taco because I am a control freak. In a taco, you can easily arrange the distribution of ingredients. In a burrito, you can either have a tightly wound cylinder of blended perfection, or a limp dick-esque mess.
My friend Chippy is a very small person. She raps and sings and dances and we like to make a sound that sounds like “MMMMPPPRHHHRRPPH.” We became friends about 5 years ago because we were both super nerds about underground dance music via a record label’s message board that is no longer really underground dance music at all. We bonded over our love for Four Loko, a drink that no one in their fucking right mind drinks. Chippy is indeed a cute person, not only because she is so small but because of her mannerisms. At one point in time we shared a room and she often looked like a burrito when wrapped in a blanket. I guarantee she would be more of a tightly wound cylinder of blended perfection rather than a limp dick-esque mess.
Robesman, jumping on the bandwagon.
Jax is my roommate’s dog. He is a mix of Chihuahua and Jack Russell Terrier. He is confirmed gay and he really loves socks and his Star Wars toys. He is featured in my critically acclaimed multi-platform default photo, seen here, as well as often appearing on my Instagram.
Until next time, when I will again crowd-source an array of topics.