Don’t Worry, I’m Alive.

I have clearly taken a break from posting due to the following reasons:

A. Writing elsewhere for money
B. Been too busy via day job
C. Trying to get my life together


Don’t Worry, I’m Alive.


10990020_10203952184109159_8247418007209071576_nI‘ve been hanging out in this hoop so it’s hard to blog from up here. I am recovering from the below wounds by dedicating the rest of my time to WWE Immortals. Please forgive my absence and allow me to enjoy this while I am hurting.


wwe-immortals-swipePS. I don’t like Paige IRL but she is definitely a huge asset to my squad in the game.



Things To Do on Valentine’s Day in NYC For #TEAMHAVINFUN

A couple of years ago, an episode of Wife Swap took the internet by storm with the little superstar, King Curtis. While he was undoubtedly a bratty shithead, he was right about two things:

1. “Bacon is good for me.”
2. “I’m on another team: havin’ fun.”

Three things:


Valentine’s Day creeps up on us all, stressing singles and couples alike. Single people feel like they are supposed to be with someone and will be annoyed by literally everyone in a relationship; couples feel pressure to spend money and create/receive an experience that’s all based on standards set by society, etc. etc. LIKE OKAY I JUST BOUGHT ALL THESE PEOPLE PRESENTS TO SHOW THEM I LOVE THEM AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN, ALTHOUGH I’VE SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY IN THE PAST MONTH BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THE GOOD SALES HAPPEN IN JANUARY.

Children give each other candy and dope ass cards with Transformers and Spongebob on them, but as adults, the fun kind of goes out the window unless you’re prepared, or unless you truly do not give a shit.

If you give even the littlest semblance of a shit, here’s a couple of ideas that involve having a lot of fun, stress-free, bacon optional.

If You’re Bougie

Romance Under The Stars @ Hayden Planetarium, $125 per Ticket


Congratulations, you have nice taste, and likely, more money than the rest of us. If you fall into this category, you have all the options in the world but also- many of these options are booked, and let’s face it: fancy ass dinner and flowers can happen whenever if you “got it like that.” Impress your date with tickets to the Hayden Planetarium’s “Romance Under The Stars”

Edit: looks like this sold out, guess you’ll have to settle for craning your neck upwards on a rooftop. Or go to the planetarium earlier in the day, before your nice dinner? Better luck next time!

If You’ve Got a Little To Spend And You’re Kind Of Weird

Anthropomorphic Insect Shadowbox Workshop @ Museum of Morbid Anatomy, $75 per Ticket

Screen Shot 2015-02-06 at 3.01.27 PMNothing says “I love you” like “hey, let’s play with Rhinoceros Beetles and make them do funny things.” Seriously, if you can tell a friend or your significant other “I wanna play with beetles, I’ve got great plans for them” and they don’t raise an eyebrow, you’ve got it good. AND, you get a gift to take home with you. Nothing is more timeless than a shadowbox containing a bug you style with props on Valentine’s Day.

If You’re Ballin’ On A Budget and Like Boobs

Champagne & Dinner @ Boobie Trap, $15-40



Bushwick boob-enthusiasts are offering a bottle of champagne for two at $15. Two straws for you and whoever you’d like to share it with. Add dinner to the mix and it’s $40 total. And you thought you couldn’t impress someone for under $50.

Valentine’s Day at The Museum of Sex, $17.50-20 per Ticket


If you haven’t already been to the Museum of Sex, you may not know that it’s not really a tacky tourist trap. If you have been, you know that there’s multiple interesting and informative exhibits running. If you have been recently, you have participated in the Funland exhibit thus you have jumped in the boob bounce castle. BOOB BOUNCE CASTLE. That is all. Treatments aka “aphrodisiac” shots of vodka and other things are available for purchase, as well as spa kits etc. (yeah whatever I’m here for the boob bounce castle.)

If You Couldn’t Make This Year a Getaway

Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, $10 per Ticket


Yes, we all would prefer a round-trip flight to Mexico/Costa Rica/anywhere in the world that isn’t covered in ice but, it just wasn’t in the cards this year. Head to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens to look at pretty plants that thrive in the warmer regions of the world, and thrive with them. Do it for the Instagrams. Also, there’s a cafe on site, so kill two birds–er, plants–with one stone and snack amongst the scenery.

If You’re a Human

Westminster Agility Championship @ Pier 94, $27 per Ticket


Um, hello: PUPPIES! Puppies RUNNING!

If You’re Really Feelin’ Yourself

Free Pure Barre Classes @ Various Locations in NYC, $1.48

Screen Shot 2015-02-06 at 3.46.00 PM

Pure Barre, a popular workout that normally runs at $33 a pop, is offering FREE classes on Valentine’s Day with the code “LOVEYOURBODY” And you should. Gift bags featuring products from various health-related sponsors will be distributed, but let’s be real: something that costs $33 for $1.48 (the tax of booking it online, but you may be able to book in person free of charge? Call them if $1.48 means that much to you) is the real selling point here. You can feel less guilt about eating all the cheese plates or pints of ice cream within reach if you have time to work out on this day. I’m going in the morning because the greatest gift I can give my boyfriend is not screaming “DOMMMMMM WAKE UPPPPP” on a Saturday morning as I usually am bouncing around at 10am and he likes to sleep til at least 2. Note: you will be sore the next day if you have not done this workout before, so be thankful Sunday is another day you may also sleep til 2.

If You’re Crafty and Seeking Bae

Missed Connections Valentine’s Day Party @ New York Transit Museum, $15 per Ticket

image-1Photo courtesy of Andrew Hineraker, Time Out New York

Attend this event in the hopes that the one you make eyes at on the subway is there, waiting for you to spell out your affection with train letters and numbers. I don’t know, I fucking hate the subway.

NOTE: This event has moved to Thursday, February 12th.

If You Couldn’t Give Less Of A Fuck


Good news: Netflix, Hulu, HBO Go, Grubhub and Seamless will always be there for you. Schedule a date with one or all of them and your couch/bed.

These are all events and activities for fun-lovers, regardless of whether or not you have a fun lover. That was a corny pun, so consider it my loving gift to all of you.


Things To Do on Valentine’s Day in NYC For #TEAMHAVINFUN


My film from London is still not developed so today I decided to let y’all decide what I will talk about.Picture 6Let’s see what happened.

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Micropenis. I have never encountered one, so I can’t really say much on the topic. The first thing that came to mind was Chyna. Next.

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The Thread is a group of people that are friends with my roommate. Two of them called Al and Dan have really good Twitter accounts.

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This is a submission from my best friend since age 8, Pola. She lives in Australia now, where apparently they don’t fuck with breakfast sandwiches and iced coffee. Pola is used to the NYC-metro-suburban lifestyle of “acquire breakfast sandwich and all is right with the world.” Someone please help her, or return her to me.

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Burritos aren’t really my thing because they get soggy. Sometimes the distribution is not appropriate, so I prefer a taco because I am a control freak. In a taco, you can easily arrange the distribution of ingredients. In a burrito, you can either have a tightly wound cylinder of blended perfection, or a limp dick-esque mess.

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My friend Chippy is a very small person. She raps and sings and dances and we like to make a sound that sounds like “MMMMPPPRHHHRRPPH.” We became friends about 5 years ago because we were both super nerds about underground dance music via a record label’s message board that is no longer really underground dance music at all. We bonded over our love for Four Loko, a drink that no one in their fucking right mind drinks. Chippy is indeed a cute person, not only because she is so small but because of her mannerisms. At one point in time we shared a room and she often looked like a burrito when wrapped in a blanket. I guarantee she would be more of a tightly wound cylinder of blended perfection rather than a limp dick-esque mess.

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Robesman, jumping on the bandwagon.

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Jax is my roommate’s dog. He is a mix of Chihuahua and Jack Russell Terrier. He is confirmed gay and he really loves socks and his Star Wars toys. He is featured in my critically acclaimed multi-platform default photo, seen here, as well as often appearing on my Instagram.

















Until next time, when I will again crowd-source an array of topics.


On Motivation and/or Apathy:

I’m officially the world’s laziest blogger. There are several drafts on this with hilarious concepts or recaps, waiting for me to return and complete but…it’s just been too long to be even relevant to description at this point.

Now, this begs the question: why do we start things we like to do, and not finish them? Clearly this blog isn’t motivated by money. I have a regular job, and I started this as an outlet to write about things unrelated to that. I’ve read countless articles about what motivates people at their jobs (while at my job, of course) and interest and fun is usually higher up on the list than money. So why the hell have I not written anything in the past few months? Have I been busy? Yes—but not so that an entry every few days would have been impossible. Has work been stressful? Yes—but again, I have plenty of time to come up with non-related ramblings. I’m just gonna go ahead and say I’ve a). forgotten b). been a little lazy and c). yeah. Work kind of took over for a little bit, in the way that it does of being busy and then making you so frustrated you don’t want to do anything else except pass out when you get home and never look at a computer screen again.

Welp, now that I got the whole downer thing out of the way, I’ve got a few exciting things coming up that I will be sharing with y’all. So, sorry about the lack of inspiration and general apathy towards writing things and…talk to you soon?



On Motivation and/or Apathy:

I’m Back & I’m Playing Songs I Like at a Bar I Like On Saturday


Once again, I am burning alive in blog hell for my posting hiatus, but I’m returning with some good news: while I did lose interest in the Snapchat story I was writing, I have been keeping busy with the FUN stuff like events and parties and things, and this Saturday, I’ll be back at The Flat for PRETTY DONUTS. Now, I don’t know if you get any donuts for attending, but if you like, I’d be more than happy to shove a donut in your mouth and take a cute pic of it. Anyway, party starts at 10, I’m on at 11, hang out and wave your arms around like a noodle. RSVP here for FREE ENTRY. Free stuff is tite. Just do it.

I’m Back & I’m Playing Songs I Like at a Bar I Like On Saturday


Instead of updating like good little blog princess, I have been drinking a lot of beer and playing with my roommate’s puppy. I have tried to teach this puppy how to DJ, so I can’t say I’ve been wasting time per se but….SORRY EVERYONE. Have a bunch of wonderful things scheduled for you this week. You didn’t miss much.