Things To Do on Valentine’s Day in NYC For #TEAMHAVINFUN

A couple of years ago, an episode of Wife Swap took the internet by storm with the little superstar, King Curtis. While he was undoubtedly a bratty shithead, he was right about two things:

1. “Bacon is good for me.”
2. “I’m on another team: havin’ fun.”

Three things:

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Valentine’s Day creeps up on us all, stressing singles and couples alike. Single people feel like they are supposed to be with someone and will be annoyed by literally everyone in a relationship; couples feel pressure to spend money and create/receive an experience that’s all based on standards set by society, etc. etc. LIKE OKAY I JUST BOUGHT ALL THESE PEOPLE PRESENTS TO SHOW THEM I LOVE THEM AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN, ALTHOUGH I’VE SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY IN THE PAST MONTH BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THE GOOD SALES HAPPEN IN JANUARY.

Children give each other candy and dope ass cards with Transformers and Spongebob on them, but as adults, the fun kind of goes out the window unless you’re prepared, or unless you truly do not give a shit.

If you give even the littlest semblance of a shit, here’s a couple of ideas that involve having a lot of fun, stress-free, bacon optional.

If You’re Bougie

Romance Under The Stars @ Hayden Planetarium, $125 per Ticket

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Congratulations, you have nice taste, and likely, more money than the rest of us. If you fall into this category, you have all the options in the world but also- many of these options are booked, and let’s face it: fancy ass dinner and flowers can happen whenever if you “got it like that.” Impress your date with tickets to the Hayden Planetarium’s “Romance Under The Stars”

Edit: looks like this sold out, guess you’ll have to settle for craning your neck upwards on a rooftop. Or go to the planetarium earlier in the day, before your nice dinner? Better luck next time!

If You’ve Got a Little To Spend And You’re Kind Of Weird

Anthropomorphic Insect Shadowbox Workshop @ Museum of Morbid Anatomy, $75 per Ticket

Screen Shot 2015-02-06 at 3.01.27 PMNothing says “I love you” like “hey, let’s play with Rhinoceros Beetles and make them do funny things.” Seriously, if you can tell a friend or your significant other “I wanna play with beetles, I’ve got great plans for them” and they don’t raise an eyebrow, you’ve got it good. AND, you get a gift to take home with you. Nothing is more timeless than a shadowbox containing a bug you style with props on Valentine’s Day.

If You’re Ballin’ On A Budget and Like Boobs

Champagne & Dinner @ Boobie Trap, $15-40

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Bushwick boob-enthusiasts are offering a bottle of champagne for two at $15. Two straws for you and whoever you’d like to share it with. Add dinner to the mix and it’s $40 total. And you thought you couldn’t impress someone for under $50.

Valentine’s Day at The Museum of Sex, $17.50-20 per Ticket

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If you haven’t already been to the Museum of Sex, you may not know that it’s not really a tacky tourist trap. If you have been, you know that there’s multiple interesting and informative exhibits running. If you have been recently, you have participated in the Funland exhibit thus you have jumped in the boob bounce castle. BOOB BOUNCE CASTLE. That is all. Treatments aka “aphrodisiac” shots of vodka and other things are available for purchase, as well as spa kits etc. (yeah whatever I’m here for the boob bounce castle.)

If You Couldn’t Make This Year a Getaway

Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, $10 per Ticket

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Yes, we all would prefer a round-trip flight to Mexico/Costa Rica/anywhere in the world that isn’t covered in ice but, it just wasn’t in the cards this year. Head to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens to look at pretty plants that thrive in the warmer regions of the world, and thrive with them. Do it for the Instagrams. Also, there’s a cafe on site, so kill two birds–er, plants–with one stone and snack amongst the scenery.

If You’re a Human

Westminster Agility Championship @ Pier 94, $27 per Ticket

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Um, hello: PUPPIES! Puppies RUNNING!

If You’re Really Feelin’ Yourself

Free Pure Barre Classes @ Various Locations in NYC, $1.48

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Pure Barre, a popular workout that normally runs at $33 a pop, is offering FREE classes on Valentine’s Day with the code “LOVEYOURBODY” And you should. Gift bags featuring products from various health-related sponsors will be distributed, but let’s be real: something that costs $33 for $1.48 (the tax of booking it online, but you may be able to book in person free of charge? Call them if $1.48 means that much to you) is the real selling point here. You can feel less guilt about eating all the cheese plates or pints of ice cream within reach if you have time to work out on this day. I’m going in the morning because the greatest gift I can give my boyfriend is not screaming “DOMMMMMM WAKE UPPPPP” on a Saturday morning as I usually am bouncing around at 10am and he likes to sleep til at least 2. Note: you will be sore the next day if you have not done this workout before, so be thankful Sunday is another day you may also sleep til 2.

If You’re Crafty and Seeking Bae

Missed Connections Valentine’s Day Party @ New York Transit Museum, $15 per Ticket

image-1Photo courtesy of Andrew Hineraker, Time Out New York

Attend this event in the hopes that the one you make eyes at on the subway is there, waiting for you to spell out your affection with train letters and numbers. I don’t know, I fucking hate the subway.

NOTE: This event has moved to Thursday, February 12th.

If You Couldn’t Give Less Of A Fuck

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Good news: Netflix, Hulu, HBO Go, Grubhub and Seamless will always be there for you. Schedule a date with one or all of them and your couch/bed.

These are all events and activities for fun-lovers, regardless of whether or not you have a fun lover. That was a corny pun, so consider it my loving gift to all of you.

 

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Things To Do on Valentine’s Day in NYC For #TEAMHAVINFUN

Due To The Increasing Costs of Real Estate in Brooklyn…

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I’m moving into this box. It’s about the same size as my current Bushwick room, and a much more regular shape. It doubles as a desk with the front flap, and via side flaps, I can pretend I’m in an airplane (which has proved to be a toy in demand and a successful business enterprise for this kid so I am DIY, ok?)

Jacket: Buffalo by David Bitton
Shirt: Mishka NYC
Leggings: Adidas Originals
Sneakers: Vans
Necklace: Custom, bitch.

Due To The Increasing Costs of Real Estate in Brooklyn…

“The Past Is A Grotesque Animal”: A Story About A Band You Loved But Forgot About For A While

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Last night a friend asked if I wanted to accompany her to a movie at Nitehawk that her friend made, and I had no plans and said yes, then asked what it was. She said “a documentary about some band, Of Montreal” and I just opened my mouth. When the fuck was the last time you thought about Of Montreal? My last year of high school through maybe half of my sophomore year of college, I put at least one of their tracks on every mix CD (lol) I made for driving around lower NY in the summertime, but after their foray into folk-y shit I kind of forgot.  The late 00’s were definitely a great time for indie dance, with all the multi-instrument supergroups and performance art-esque shows, and I truly do regret not going to see them live during that time. Fuck college.

Anyway, I missed the first ten minutes of the film, but learned a lot in the next hour.

  • Kevin Barnes, front man and essentially the band itself…isn’t gay?
  • No, really. He’s not gay.
  • I had never thought about this before but he was actually kind of hot at some points, like without the makeup and stuff.
  • The fun and dancey electronic years that I was so into came from a really DARK place…
  • The front man of every indie band you have ever liked in college is probably kind of a dick, but it’s art.
  • You really should have taken the opportunity to see an Of Montreal show live.
  • No one else really cared about the Outback commercial enough to ask, but Kitty and I did. We really did. You know what I’m talking about, THIS ONE!
  • Being in a band looks like a lot of fun but someone will probably ruin a friendship so, good luck with that.

But hey, I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you. Until I sat down in the theater, I didn’t even know I was curious about the behind-the-scenes story of this band, but I was hooked. Shouts to you, Jason Miller, for making me give a shit. *prayer hands emoji*

Check out the remaining screenings below for a date near you, and the site here. If you’re NYC based, you can see it tonight at the IFC Center, but you suck for missing it at Nitehawk last night because you can get drunk there >:)

6/20/2014
Ft. Wayne, IN
Cinema Center
6/20/2014
San Francisco, CA
Roxie
6/20/2014
New York, NY
IFC Center
6/20/2014
Boulder, CO
Boulder Theater
6/20/2014
Boston, MA
The Brattle
6/20/2014
Greensboro, NC
Carousel
6/22/2014
New Orleans, LA
Zeitgeist
6/22/2014
Philadelphia, PA
PhilaMOCA
6/25/2014
Portland, OR
Hollywood Theatre
6/25/2014
Chicago, IL
Music Box
6/25/2014
Tucson, AZ
Loft
6/25/2014
Los Angeles, CA
New Beverly
6/27/2014
Athens, GA
Cine
6/27/2014
Atlanta, GA
The Plaza
7/17/2014
Pleasantville, NY
Jacob Burns Film Center
“The Past Is A Grotesque Animal”: A Story About A Band You Loved But Forgot About For A While

Deep Black by Deep Baes: New DKDS EP Out Today

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A few days ago, the good folks over at Mixmag were kind enough to share a free download of DKDS‘ new single “Deep Black.” Today, Safer at Night released the whole damn thang, available on Beatport exclusively. The rest of the record is definitely worth purchasing: “Deep Blue” contrasts the calming vibes of the title track with a tense buildup of melody and “Black & Blue” is the perfect hybrid of the two and belongs on a movie soundtrack tbh. Check it out and cop the release  ASAP! Aside from being a staple in the NYC nightlife scene, DKDS have been getting support BBC Radio 1 from the likes of Skream and Annie Mac.

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Plus they photograph really well. Grab tix for the Apex Tour featuring an awesome lineup of Justin Martin, Catz n Dogz, Kill Frenzy, Harvard Bass, Curses, Star Eyes, Tony Quattro, and of course, these dudes at Verboten this Friday. I will be there also, headlining the line at the bar.

Follow them on Twitter and most importantly, follow me on Twitter too. See you Friday!

Deep Black by Deep Baes: New DKDS EP Out Today